More Lessons Learn...ing

Once again it has been too long since I’ve been on here with either a personal update or writing update. I just can’t seem to strike a balance with life, but this is not a lament on my weaknesses and frustrations. Instead it is a note about what I’ve been learning and doing even during continued boughts with illness and high stress situations crashing over me. Most of it personal and much if tying into my writing (the little that has happened in the last month). 

When stress levels increase and health decreases a perfect blend for loneliness is created. And loneliness is one of the quickest emotions to get me off track. I start thinking about finding “the one” and wallowing in self-pity on why I’m still “alone” and don’t have many friends. Basically, I get very focused on me and that is a dangerous place to be. Not only does it not help with the stress or health struggles it compounds these issues. So it sit on my bed or in my bathtub thinking about me and all the things wrong with my life until I feel completely lost and hopeless. This is the state the Father found me again. He did not judge or condemn me, He never does. He simply asked me a question, “Do you want me as much as you want someone to love you?”

In that instance I knew that once again I’d taken my eyes off my Savior and needed to do something to get back on track. I started flipping away from “dating site” commercials and put all my “Godly dating” books in a box. I pulled out “Celebration of Discipline” and created a fun little schedule to get me on track.

I’d love to say that this has all worked with great success, but the enemy also saw this change of heart and direction and trouble after trouble pulled me away from my cute little discipline schedule. Changes in my work week, increased headaches, and even a pretty bad case of some stomach bug (which is just now coming to an end). My sick time at work is gone and my energy about as far down as it can go (at least I’m actually awake now). 

I look at my little schedule taped to my bathroom mirror and feel frustrated a bit, but I also recognize that the steps before everything fell apart did a lot for my peace of mind. I started writing again, finally seeing more of where I wanted my new WIP to go and even got through eight chapters of sensory edits on my “Isaiah” project. I also haven’t given up on my little schedule though I think I’ll be taking one step at a time. 

Step 1: Survive a 4 day (10 hours a day) work week
Step 2: Add meditation on His Word 4 days a week (even on nights I work)
Step 3: Add focused prayer time 2-3 days a week

That’s as far as I’ve gotten in the Celebration of Discipline, but I think I’ll stop reading until I get to Step 3 or I’ll start looking at all I still need to learn and grow discouraged rather than revel in the success of each step. For each step is a gift in the Father’s strength and grace and worth a celebration.