Since my last post I’ve been through the gamut emotionally but am now moving in a healthy direction. I am practically content for the first time in months. I am involved in a small group, helping my fellowship with overseas work, am looking at a week in the Philippians to help build a fellowship and I’m days away from the writing conference. This state has allowed for me to more clearly see areas I need to change in, such as finances, and to more adequately take steps to grow in these areas.
None of this to say my life has become perfect, but I am content where I am and with what I am doing. I am listening to the Father’s guidance for growth (one thing at a time). And I’m not dancing on the edge of depression right now.
Maybe it’s the seasons, maybe it’s the help I’ve had recently or maybe it’s a change of mind set which has made me feel that the Father is close to me. I’ve known it in my head all along, but I’ve really struggled to feel it for the last year and a half. I held to the knowledge that He would never leave me nor forsake me, that He wouldn’t be done with me until He took me, but the knowledge couldn’t creep into my wayward feelings until now.
Now one of my greatest struggles is my writing. I keep writing but the words have been falling flat, lifeless. I think I really need to sit down and focus on each scene, the depth of emotion in them and allow myself to feel them. I have been learning how to leave crazy emotions behind better and I guess writing is a good exercise for that. A little scary though when you’re writing a scene where the character literally faces death – and then dies. Or another with a child so lonely they run from anyone who speaks to him. So much pain, fear… scary emotions in my opinion, but necessary in writing and common in life.
I’m hoping the conference this week will help me breathe life back into my scenes and my pen and continue to help me refine my craft as well as my focus. Let my eyes be on the one who is always with me, who’s hand covers mine and who’s breath fills my soul. Now to just get the breath onto the page.
None of this to say my life has become perfect, but I am content where I am and with what I am doing. I am listening to the Father’s guidance for growth (one thing at a time). And I’m not dancing on the edge of depression right now.
Maybe it’s the seasons, maybe it’s the help I’ve had recently or maybe it’s a change of mind set which has made me feel that the Father is close to me. I’ve known it in my head all along, but I’ve really struggled to feel it for the last year and a half. I held to the knowledge that He would never leave me nor forsake me, that He wouldn’t be done with me until He took me, but the knowledge couldn’t creep into my wayward feelings until now.
Now one of my greatest struggles is my writing. I keep writing but the words have been falling flat, lifeless. I think I really need to sit down and focus on each scene, the depth of emotion in them and allow myself to feel them. I have been learning how to leave crazy emotions behind better and I guess writing is a good exercise for that. A little scary though when you’re writing a scene where the character literally faces death – and then dies. Or another with a child so lonely they run from anyone who speaks to him. So much pain, fear… scary emotions in my opinion, but necessary in writing and common in life.
I’m hoping the conference this week will help me breathe life back into my scenes and my pen and continue to help me refine my craft as well as my focus. Let my eyes be on the one who is always with me, who’s hand covers mine and who’s breath fills my soul. Now to just get the breath onto the page.
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