Time of Reflection

I spend so much time trying to DO something for God. To be important to him by my actions, to be needed and used and, dare I say it, special. But the more I do the less content I am.        

I hear again and again how we must learn to rest in him, to patiently wait on Him, to trust Him. And I try, I really do. But I am failing quite miserably at it.

The last year I have felt useless. What am I doing to serve Him? to bring glory to His name? Nothing great. Nothing big. Just little things. I want to do more than the little things. (I don't sound like a spoiled little child, do I?)

If he cannot trust me with the little things why should I ever be worthy of doing "great" things? If I never sit down to listen to Him, open His word, talk with Him and just dwell on the awesomeness of God, can I ever truly bring glory to His name?

I doubt it. I might be able to work myself up into appearing important to other people, but I will never actually be "special". It would be a mirage that quickly vanishes. I want to be more than a mirage but I can't be.

Every breath brings me closer to the moment I vanish in the breeze. Every breath is a chance to change, to learn, to trust. Trust.

It is trust which will bring glory to God. I trust Him for my bread, my breath, my bills, my dreams, my purpose, even with my impatience and nagging questions. I will only learn to trust Him more by spending time with Him, by slowing my day and my mind and taking a few minutes or more and listening.

Reflecting.

Loving.

And then I realize. I will still never actually be special, because who can be compared to Him? And that's okay. He is special and perfect. He is life, Creator, King, Friend and my very heartbeat - and He loves me. Maybe I am a little special to be loved by one so great.

But then, we all are.


Check out the new free verse I posted in Perspectives.